ALL about THE WIFE's HUMOUR

  # My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

 # My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

# A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

 # I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

 # I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburettor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

# The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

# After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I  was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

# When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

# I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

# My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

# The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

# A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!" His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

# Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

  Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

  Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

# If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep

# I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

# It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

# Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

# A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?"  Asked his friend "My wife found out...

# Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

# I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

# A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

# A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

# Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

# How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

# The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

# Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

# First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

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